I don’t even know why I’m so upset right now, I shouldn’t be.  I even felt there was something wrong with the situation.  I thought I was prepared for a no… and now all I can feel is utter bitterness at the world.  I want to snap at someone, be angry, or anything… feel anything but this.  Its Christmas time… and I thought that maybe I’d be able to spend it thinking of someone.  Instead I’m going to spend it with my parents. Alone.  Again.

I hate my life.  I want to just curl up and die right now.

And the funny part is, everyone I know who is IN a good relationship (relative terms of ‘good’) complains about it or isn’t satisfied.  I want to snap at them… to say I would trade my spot with their’s.  Oh boo-hoo you’re only getting kissed, or you barely see the other person, or you think they’re lazy.  At least you have something.  You have someone to hug without thinking you’re being too “friendly” because you really need a hug… you have someone to spill your heart to, you HAVE that.  I’m so utterly tired, I can’t just keep going on nothing but my own happiness.  I feel so sad and alone.  I don’t want to be cheered up, I just want to know that I’m not worthless.